I feel great
I just peed on a car
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I need to calm my uterus...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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