He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
