Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Someone shattered a urinal.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
