I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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