the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
