You can't motorboat a personality
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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