He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
