I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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