Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
