i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
