Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
