so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
