we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
