That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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