Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
