Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
