I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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