I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
