I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
