I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
