Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
