I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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