evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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