Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
