How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
