At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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