I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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