I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
