babies were throwing up all over the place
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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