Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
