I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
