im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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