Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
