Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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