I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
