Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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