i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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