I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
