The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My feet surprised me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
