We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
