if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
