I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
