I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
