I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
