before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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