it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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