He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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