All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
