I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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