I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
