The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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