Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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