you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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