if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
