my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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