i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
