The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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