That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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