Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
