you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i came on her dog
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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