A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
