I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Four minutes until I can fart!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
