The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am available for nakedness
Success! We fucked roommates!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
