Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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