someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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