you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
