there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
