Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
