genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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