fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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