I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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