Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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