I hate your face
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
