I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i now understand why vodka
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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