conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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